yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
