just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
