He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
