I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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