dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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