i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize