I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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