how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
