I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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