The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
