No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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