my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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