Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize