i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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