just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
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