she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
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