Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize