If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
