I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
