Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
