His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
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And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
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I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
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