So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
