Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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