i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
