I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
