Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
