he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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