I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
