Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
