I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
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