im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
