She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
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You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
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I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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