Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
The cops high fived after they tackled you
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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