just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
