No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
