Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We had sex on a dog bed..
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
