Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
