Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
