I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
She even gives head with a lisp.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize