she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
