the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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