so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
