After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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