oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
