My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
