Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
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