I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
