she was so not down for the gang bang
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
