eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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