You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
