Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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