Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
