It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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