you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
