So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
