why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
you never un-have a 4some
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
