this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
After tacos, we're chasing women.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
