alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
