I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
