so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
