Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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