Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
