watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I love having hate sex.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
How's work?
Spinning.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
