dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
