Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
