maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
