well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
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