I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
