When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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