everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
