my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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