It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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