i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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