this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
