I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
